If you’re serious about being a stress-head, you’ll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:
NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to.
GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.
TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen! Be offended, then return the attack!
MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE – BE MACHO. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
BECOME A WORKAHOLIC. Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS. Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvellous amount of stress.
WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL. Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all those global issues you are personally responsible for.
BECOME THE ULTIIMATE PERFECTIONIST AND SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS……and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don’t meet them.
THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.
WATCH THE NEWS – ALL DAY IF POSSIBLE. You need to know how bad everyone else in the world feels.
KEEP YOUR MIND FIRMLY CLOSED. Avoid new perspectives and experiences, and never learn anything new.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR EACH MORNING AND SAY “ I hate and disapprove of myself”. Nothing sends a more effective message to the universe.
However, if by any chance this lifestyle does not appeal, and you would like practical tools to reverse stress and learn how to relax, sleep well, improve your health and generally create a better life, please contact Jen Tiller www.jentiller.com +44(0)1462 624 160